well,

I'm back in school again for the first time in years which is good? I think? I'm not sure at this point. So far it's ok, but then again, it's the end of the first full week, so really, how bad should it be at this point? I am struggling some though. Three days a week aren't too bad cause I have the shorter 45 minute classes, but the other two are kind of brutal. I have trouble focusing for that long, and so far as I can tell my information retention is not what it should be. It's hard to tell, I haven't been 'normal' in such a long time. I am just determined to prove to everyone that I am not too 'sick' to do this. Maybe I could do it better if I was eating, but I'm not. So this is the way it is.

I'm also getting my tattoo in the first week in October, which is pretty exciting. I can't wait. It's the NEDA symbol, which has particular meaning to me, but not everyone will recognize it right off the bat. I'll post a pic here after I get inked.

Also in the news is that my twin sister got engaged. I'm super happy for her, but it also got me to thinking. I was dating that one guy in my life before she even met this guy. If I hadn't been sick, if I hadn't have lost him the way that I did, where would my life be at this point? I know that there is no way to know. It just got me to thinking. I know that I have 'lost' a lot of life to this disease, who would I be if ana never came into my life? How would my family be different? would I have been happy? so many questions, and the only answer I find is to not eat again tomorrow.

ema