I'm starting to dream about food again.

That happens to me sometimes, I'll wake up in a panic thinking that I ate something. It takes me a moment or two to realize that it was only in the dream.

I bought a new scale too. Its digital, the numbers arent what I want to see just yet, but if I stay on track I know exactly where I'll end up. I can't wait to be starving again. I long to be hollow and empty.

I'm hurting too much right now. I stayed with him the other night. I don't know if that was a good or bad idea. Having his arms around me is my favorite place in the world, but it hurts so much to know that I won't have that much longer.

I keep crying at random times. I'll go into my room and bawl, for no apparent reason really. It's like I can hold the pain for so long and then it all wells up at once. I know I sound like a broken record... I just don't know how to keep on without him

ema